I love the gift of friendship. It connects me with people who get the vibe of my ever-changing life and I get the vibe of theirs — on most days.

My earliest recollection of the gift is from preschool. My friend Melody and I played with miniature dolls and took Portuguese lessons.

Like wind-up versions of our dolls, we stepped onto the school’s van each morning and returned to our homes by noon. Becoming a better friend meant applauding when one us learned a new Portuguese word or sharing vanilla wafers at snack time.

But friendships grow deeper or they grow distant. It’s rarely a simple process.

For Melody and me, we parted ways as we went to separate schools for kindergarten.

Since then, God has blessed me many times over with friends of various backgrounds, ages and ethnicities. I’m not sure if any of them speak Portuguese. But all of them are people of integrity who inspire me to be a better friend.

Sometimes the gift of friendship is best unwrapped slowly. There are countless layers of life experiences, questions and quirkiness in each soul.

Meeting someone with shared perspectives, values and even a shared sense of humor is not an easy find.

But when I do, I’m grateful and I aim to be intentional.

A true friend loves regardless of the situation, and a real brother exists to share the tough times. (Proverbs 17:17 Voice)

I’ve found building a mutually beneficial connection develops out of a desire to know and support a friend’s priorities, while respecting each other’s differences.

Otherwise, an impulsive decision or careless comment can cause the friendship to unravel.

You may have few friendship challenges or feel frustrated by your efforts. But how do we become a better friend?

It’s not that who we are isn’t good enough. But God’s grace is always more than enough to grow us beyond where we are.

Since my friendship with Melody, I’ve learned a lot. I wrote about many of my experiences in my book, Friendship MAPS: A Journey through Maturity, Aspirations, Perspectives and Struggles.

And yet, I continue to learn as I grow in God’s grace. Here are a few of my recent lessons:

Do what it takes to keep in touch. Establish an agreed upon rhythm of connecting to maintain your bond. But if you’re the only one reaching out, consider a friend’s current pace and commitments. (Also see 5 Ways to Respond to a Friend in Need.)

Real friends should be really honest with each other — or not. Aim to communicate kindly and hesitate to make hasty judgments. Ask for clarity instead of assuming criticism from a friend. (Also see Ephesians 4:14-26)

Cheer one another toward goals but don’t compete for who gets the most attention. If one friend needs to be the best at everything, both friends lose. (Also see Galatians 6:3-5)

Pray for God’s leading and let go. Being transparent or generous with a friend can be God’s way of drawing them closer to Him. If I make each effort about me, I’ll miss honoring Him as the ultimate Giver.

My friendships grow through a willingness to love unconditionally, pray fervently and forgive repeatedly. When the effort is mutual, we each become better and receive hope for the heart and joy to the soul.

To read more in the “Becoming More” series, click here!