I’m saddened by the recent deaths of Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain and a host of precious, but less famous, souls who took their own lives. Their reasons lie in silence or perhaps in the last words in a note left to their loved ones. But I do know their struggle. As I share mine, I pray it helps someone else choose to live.

Every writer has their reason for stringing words together. Mine came through pain, followed by a faith that landed in God’s grace. The people who know me well, know my story.

They know my plummet at 19. I gave way to the usual teenage pressures of wanting stability, wanting relevance, and wanting love. But a rough semester in college, a breakup with my boyfriend and dwindling finances for my future told me I had nothing.

Life felt devoid of love or long-range plans. The inner chatter of sadness continued. I listened.

It wasn’t long before isolation became my friend. I spent hours playing the card game Solitaire. I didn’t realize a thief was at work. During my card shuffling hours, he was stealing my will to live.

By thief, I mean the enemy of all that is good, hopeful and holy.

A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. – John 10:6‭-‬10 MSG

These words from Christ, served as my warning. I almost missed His invitation.

Eventually, Solitaire ceased to offer much comfort and a bottle of sleeping pills offered me relief instead. I didn’t want to die. I just didn’t want to live in my pain any longer.

But when we trust God in our unwanted seasons, we live with hope in the midst of our pain. It’s like oxygen to our faith. My hope supply ran low.

I took the pills’ suggestion. Thankfully, I was taken to the emergency room and my self-imposed ending was interrupted. But as I left the hospital, the pain didn’t leave.

That took time. That took God.

I knew Him from childhood. I recommitted to Christ in college and fell flat on my face in a crisis. Looking back, the issues I faced were all temporary.

I earned my college degree. I married the boyfriend. I’ve survived a few financial storms. I share my story because the enemy of our soul continues to convince people their crisis is too big for God, the crisis will never end or they are too far gone.

It’s a lie.

Not having hope is not an option. It’s a feeling and feelings can change.

If this is not your struggle, it may be hard to understand. But someone you know may struggle with depression daily.

If you’re reading this and feel like you’re playing your own game of Solitaire, let someone know. Get help. Say a prayer.

You are worth it.

To think anything less is an enemy tactic.

The world is not better off without you. Better is waiting for you.

Better may not appear all at once, but it will come. Better came to me through my mother’s question, as she asked, “Where is your faith?” At first, I sat in my usual silence.

But minutes later, as I asked myself the same question. I reconsidered my options. Isolation was not my friend; Jesus is. He is my Savior and Lord, who died for my sins (including my panic with the pills). Through Him, I can overcome anything that makes life seem unlivable (see John 16:33).

My hope level rose higher that day.

At 19, I quit playing Solitaire and sought God’s help instead. Otherwise, I would have missed out on decades of a wonderful, and yes, sometimes difficult life. But it is a life spent relishing in God’s love and remembering His grace.

Now I string words together to point others to Him. He is the source of hope (Romans 15:13). Whatever you’re facing, I pray you won’t give up on your better. God hasn’t given up on you. He knows how much we all need hope for the heart and joy to the soul.

Here’s a prayer if you’re feeling hopeless or if you’re hurting:

Dear God, I need help. The walls of life are closing in and it feels like there’s little room for hope. But You are Hope. I make room in my heart for You. Forgive me of my sins and be my Lord. Thank you for overcoming what makes life seem unlivable. May I draw closer to You and come away from anything that keeps me from the better life You give. In Jesus’s name. Amen.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time of day or night.