“Wanna hear the MOST BEAUTIFUL, complicated, perfectly imperfect word I know? FAMILY.”

— Oprah Winfrey, cover of the March 2019 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

As the youngest of four children, I’ve been blessed with beautiful.

My sisters, Gail and Jackie, and my brother, Michael are an encouraging, generous, Christ-following bunch. But as the youngest of four children, I know complicated. My typically super siblings are also a protective and occasionally, opinionated group.

I shake as I type these words. I wonder and chuckle at how high their eyebrows will raise upon reading my observations. But to be honest, considering the countless and painful scenarios haunting some family bonds, I have little room to complain.

And yet, whoever we tag as our kin, by birth or some engrafting experience, “perfectly imperfect” rises.

Flawed choices threaten family ties.

Betrayal or bitterness stains a treasured bond.

Misspoken words are mistaken for malice hiding in the heart.

As you think about the most significant people in your life, I hope love flows and your relationships are tension free. But the reality of relationships is that at some point there is a complication. Once tension wedges between us, we may battle external threats shoulder to shoulder or we may battle our conflict heart to heart.

However, from a biblical perspective, who or what we battle is clear. It’s not against each other.

“…but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12 NLT).

These words penned by the Apostle Paul to the church of Ephesus, makes the name of our enemy clear — evil. Obviously, we are each responsible for our actions. But do we need to make each other the focus of our arsenal?

 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:3-5 NIV).

The first thoughts I need to take captive and make obedient to Christ are my own. However, a close bond is often the enemy’s target because these bonds have the potential to do the most harm or the greatest good in our lives.

I’m no relationship expert. I’m just a soul reflecting on how God’s love has strengthened me — when the best of bonds battle. With the people we love, we may attempt to resolve conflict peaceably, support each other mutually or just occupy the same room successfully. And yet, the people we love remind us there is a place we belong or a sense of peace we long for.

When the best of bonds battle each other, the enemy of our soul snickers. He sees the opportunity to build bitterness and deepen division.

If his mission is accomplished we end up feeling abandoned, rejected or betrayed. The people we love become the people we loath or the ones we least want to be around.

But with God, there’s a better way to work through our differences.

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone” (Romans 12:17‭-‬18 NLT).

Living in peace with everyone is my goal. But if I’ve been abandoned, rejected or betrayed, peace may take a while to settle in. It’s the natural course of processing my pain.

And yet, choosing peace may mean having courageous conversations where apologies are stated, boundaries are set and forgiveness is the goal. Such actions require me to rely on God’s wisdom and strength.

Through the years, my siblings and I have gained and lost spouses. We’ve raised children and welcomed grandchildren. We’ve had careers go from earning a college degree to earning retirement. We’ve cherished our mom and dad and grieved over their deaths. We pray for each other, check on each other. We encourage each generation to value our heritage and follow Christ. The four of us are close, but we are also clear.

Sometimes meeting those goals is beautiful. Sometimes it’s complicated. And yet, a close relationship doesn’t lose its worth because it’s in a crisis.

Those bonds exist because at some point a promise was made or a person was added to a family tree. And while wisdom may require temporary distance, it also requires forgiveness.

Flesh and blood needs it. God through Christ provides it. For. Us. All.

“May mercy, peace, and love be multiplied to you” (Jude 1:2 ESV).